Bittersweet
by ilovesifuhotman
Summary: Fire is destruction, but fire is also life. Zutara oneshot set during "The Southern Raiders." Basically my head canon of what actually happened. Partly inspired by "truth of The Southern Raiders" by Ferrywings.
1. The Cave

Empty. Hollow. Numb. Apart from the rain that clouded her vision and caused her boots to squelch in the mud, Katara could feel nothing else. She could have waterbended the water out of her eyes, but she couldn't find the will to do so. Scenes of the past few minutes replayed in her mind. Yon Rha's eyes had been fearful and and his pleas desperate and pathetic as Katara suspended sharp, icy fragments above his frail form. She had sought Yon Rha for the purpose of seeking justice and catharsis from the anger that had so long burned inside her. Even though Katara abhorred the very thought of him, she couldn't bring herself to end him. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps behind her. Zuko followed her at a respectful distance. He knew that Katara would need space and probably wouldn't want to talk right now.

The already heavy rain was becoming a thunderstorm, and Katara knew that they wouldn't be able to fly back on Appa just yet. With the lightning and downpour, the tents they brought would not hold up against the battering winds. After a few minutes, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"I know you probably want to get out of here, but we have to find shelter."

Katara turned to see two golden, hesitant eyes and simply nodded.

"I know of a cave we can stay in for the night," said Katara blankly.

Zuko raised his eyebrow questioningly but said nothing. Once they had reached Appa, it was only a short flight before they had reached the cave. Katara peered inside the dark, abandoned cave and was taken back in time. It was where she had hidden with Sokka, Aang, and Toph when the whole world thought Aang was dead. It was where she had danced with Aang, the two of them turning and spinning like lively flames. When she closed her eyes, she could hear the chants of the crowd and feel the rhythm of the music. It felt almost strange to be here with Zuko, the one who had hunted Aang and followed her group for so long.

"We should change and start a fire. I can waterbend the water out of our clothes. We can't get sick right before Sozin's comet and let Aang down." Katara put on her bravest face. While Zuko started a fire, she turned towards the corner and began to remove her soggy clothes until she was just in her Water Tribe bindings. As Katara bended the water out of their shed clothing, Zuko found himself staring at the sway of her hips and the glistening rain that lingered on her skin. To be honest, he felt somewhat guilty for admiring her like this given the situation. He began to unpack their belongings as Katara took a seat by the crackling fire.

Katara had been in a numb shock since she confronted Yon Rha, but her feelings of anger were beginning to bubble back to the surface. She came all this way to seek some sort of closure and to find a sense of relief, but she could neither bring herself to take Yon Rha's life or to forgive him. Katara felt so trapped in her emotions, and she couldn't contain them any longer. She held her knees to her chest as years of emotion and long contained sobs shook her chest. She always felt the need to be the strong, supportive one in the group. She had to be strong for Sokka, for Toph…and for Aang. She hated crying in front of people, but at the moment, she wanted nothing more than to be comforted. Suddenly, she felt warm hands on her shoulders and saw Zuko in front of her.

"How can I feel at peace when I can't bring myself to revenge or forgiveness?! I came here hoping that I'd feel better, but…" Katara trailed off, unable to find the words to speak.

Zuko pulled Katara to his chest and wrapped her in a tight embrace. Katara wrapped her arms around Zuko and let her head rest against his bare chest. As she gasped for air between sobs, her lungs were filled with the sweet scent of smoke and sweat. Zuko's hands were hot on her exposed back, rubbing soothing circles in her weary muscles. It felt so different to be the one being held and comforted.

Before Zuko knew what he was saying, "I know how you feel" tumbled out of his mouth. Katara broke away and stood up suddenly.

"How can you possibly think you know how I feel?! Was your mother killed in your own home before you came back to realize what happened?!" Katara's chest heaved with newly sparked anger.

"Katara, that's not what I meant." Zuko stood and backed away defensively. Fear flashed in his eyes.

"Your mother being taken away isn't the same as your mother being killed! At least you have the hope of her still being alive!" Katara was practically shouting now. She turned her back when she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder that spun her back around.

"Look, my mother may be alive, but I still grew up without her! You think our childhoods were so different," Zuko yelled in an outburst. Katara had struck a nerve. "but neither of us will ever get that time with our mothers back!"

They were both breathing heavily, and their faces were so close, almost touching. Silent tension hung around them like steam in a sauna.

"_He's right,_" thought Katara. Her expression softened. He may not know her pain completely, but he too was familiar with loss, and he was trying his best to comfort her.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you…I know you've been through a lot too." Katara's voice was soft.

It took a while for Zuko to find his voice again. He wasn't gifted with a talent for conversation. His awkward attempt to join Aang's group was laughable, and the silver sandwich encouragement he offered to Sokka at the Boiling Rock made no sense.

"I'm sorry for yelling too, and that I'm not the best at words of comfort…or any words really...but I really think you did the right thing. You've experienced pain that I'll never fully understand, but I'm trying. If I were in your place, I don't know if I would have been strong enough to hold myself back. Aang would be proud of you. _I'm_ proud of you."

She felt two hands on her wrists. Her blue eyes met Zuko's steadfast, golden gaze. This situation felt so familiar.

_"I'll save you from the pirates…"_

Zuko had changed so much since the last time he held her this way. He was not the same person that had baited Katara with her mother's necklace. The last time, Zuko's iron grip had been unyielding and tense. His eyes had been prideful and menacing, but also lost and scared. Now, Zuko's strong hands felt gentle and comforting. Running from Azula and seeking refuge in the Earth Kingdom had broken his pride and taught him humility. Katara could see no trace of arrogance in his amber eyes. Instead, she was met with a look of deep understanding.

Zuko ran his thumbs over her hands and intertwined his warm, calloused fingers with her cold, slender ones, his eyes never leaving hers. Katara broke their gaze and really took in his body with her eyes for the first time. She had seen plenty of shirtless boys before, but never like Zuko. Sokka was her brother, and Aang was just a kid. Compared to Aang's childlike physique, Zuko looked like he was almost a man. His shoulders were broad and his arms toned and muscular from years of firebending drills. The hardened planes of his chest and abs were chiseled and defined in the firelight. Her eyes traveled back to his face and his sharp jawline. Despite the large scar on his face, she had to admit that Zuko was very handsome. Katara didn't notice that she was staring until she looked back into Zuko's eyes again. She hoped that he hadn't noticed her eyes lingering a little longer than they should have been. She felt embarrassed at the thought of being caught admiring.

But Zuko did notice, and he had to force himself to suppress a grin. Since his trip to the Boiling Rock, Zuko had been on uncertain terms with Mai. And now, with Katara standing in front of him in nothing but her bindings, Zuko could couldn't stop himself from gazing at her tan, toned legs and her petite, curvy form. Most of all, Zuko couldn't stop looking into the clear, blue eyes that reminded him of the tide pools from his childhood trips to Ember Island.

"I'm glad I didn't take out my anger on Yon Rha." Katara's voice was steady and serious. "I think that if I had, I would've ended up feeling…empty. It's just that for as long as I can remember, I've always thought that fire is nothing but destruction. I guess that's why I directed my anger at Yon Rah towards you…especially after you betrayed and attacked me in Ba Sing Se."

Zuko was still holding Katara's soft, small hands in his calloused, large ones. Slowly, he placed one of Katara's hands over his scar. Back in the crystal catacomb prison Katara was the first and only person to have ever touched his scar, and she was still the only one.

"Fire can be dangerous and wild,"

Zuko placed her other hand on his bare chest, directly over his heart.

"but it can also bring warmth and life. I'm truly sorry for betraying you in Ba Sing Se."

For so long, Katara had feared and hated firebending. Fire had taken away her mother. Fire had burned her hands when Aang accidentally lost control. When Aang and Zuko came back from the Sun Warrior ruins, she still couldn't believe that fire could be anything but destruction and loss. She had harbored so much hatred and animosity towards Yon Rha that she allowed her anger towards him to poison her attitude towards all firebenders, especially the one who now stood before her. Yon Rha proved that fire could be used for evil, but as Katara's hand rested over Zuko's steadily beating heart, she finally understood that fire could be so much more. Zuko was not the arrogant, angry prince that had tried to capture Aang several months before. The young man in front of her had found his true purpose. He had become brave. Honorable. Trustworthy. Even if she couldn't forgive Yon Rha, she now knew she could forgive Zuko.

"Fire is life…" she whispered as she looked into his golden eyes.

Before Katara knew what she was doing, her hands were running up and down his chest and stomach, admiring every defined line. There seemed to be a fire in Zuko's golden eyes, and they were filled with something Katara had never seen before. Longing. Desire. Hunger. He leaned closer and closer still.

"_Is he going to…?" _thought Katara. Before she could finish her thought, Zuko's lips landed softly upon her own. They were hesitant, as if asking for permission. Katara responded with pressure from her own lips. It was as if a dam had broken. Zuko held nothing back as he kissed Katara hungrily. His hands ran up the sides of her waist and finally rested on the small of her back as Katara moved her fingers over his chest and neck to wind them in his hair. Zuko pulled Katara closer into him so that there was no space between them. Katara could feel the weight and heat of his body pressed against her, urgent and needy. A feeling stirred within Katara, a feeling that she had never experienced before. She almost forgot about breathing until her lungs were begging for relief. They broke apart, panting for air, their foreheads resting against each other.

"I…I shouldn't have done that," stammered Zuko, "but I couldn't let you leave without knowing how I feel about you. You're beautiful," he paused to twirl a stray strand of hair that had fallen in her face, "but you're so much more than that. You're smart, brave, loyal, and you care for others so selflessly even when you have nothing to gain. Not to mention you're extremely…protective," he chuckled as he remembered how Katara had threatened him at the Western Air Temple.

Katara was a bit taken aback, a flurry of thoughts buzzing in her head and emotions coursing through her.

"And I know this is the only chance we'll ever have to do this."

Zuko kissed her again, this time not with passion, but with tenderness. His kiss was filled with sadness and longing. He pressed his lips to her forehead.

As Zuko pulled away, Katara felt a lump rise in her throat and her vision blur with a mist of fresh tears because she knew he was right. They met at the crossroads, but their destinies would never join to become one. Fire and water. They balanced each other so perfectly, but balance for both of them meant throwing everything else out of balance. They couldn't do that to everyone. Zuko still had Mai, and Katara had Aang.

"I don't want to give you up," Katara said softly. Her hand traced the path from his scar to his shoulder.

"I know." Zuko tucked the stray strand of hair behind her ear and took her small hand off his shoulder and rubbed it between his own. He gently pressed her hand to his lips.

"But we have to let each other go. I don't want to…but we have to," Zuko sighed heavily.

Their arms found their way around each other in a close embrace. The enemy she had hated for so long had become the one she loved. Katara couldn't remember how or when she had begun to fall. Maybe it was the awkward, endearing way Zuko fumbled over his words. Maybe it was when he dove to the ground to push her out of the way of a crumbling ceiling. Or, maybe it was when she realized that he understood pain, _her_ pain, better than anyone she had ever met. But as Zuko's warmth flooded her body, it didn't matter when she began to love him. It only mattered that in this moment, she didn't want to be anywhere else. Katara felt so protected and safe in his arms. At the same time, she felt a rush of sadness and pain in her chest knowing that she would have to lose her prince.

Zuko lowered his head and breathed deeply. Katara's hair smelled of spring rain and meadows. He couldn't deny that he thought she was beautiful, but he knew that their relationship reached beyond the shallow depths of physical attraction. He admired her strength, her wit, her enduring spirit. She had taught him to trust again. With her, he was able to let his walls down. He had spent so long trying to earn the love of his father, someone who had no love for him. He may have earned his honor, but Katara taught him that love cannot be earned. Real love is something that is given freely.

They spent the rest of the night with each other, sometimes joking and laughing, other times serious and silent. They shared about their pasts, their hopes and fears for the future, and their deepest thoughts. They talked about everything and nothing at all. As the glowing embers began to fade, Katara found the spot under Zuko's chin where her head fit perfectly. Her hand traced patterns over his chest as Zuko gently ran his hand through her hair. She enjoyed every moment, wanting to feel his warmth for as long as she could, knowing that they could never be this way again. She memorized his smoky scent, the angle of his jaw, the rumbling sound of one his rare laughs, the feeling of his hot breath on her neck, the warmth of his chest, and the beat of his heart. She fell asleep in his arms to the sound of crickets chirping and the crackle of a dying fire.

Zuko and Katara woke the next morning to find the fire extinguished and the sky clear and blue. They didn't talk on their journey back. They simply enjoyed each other's presence.

As the sun sank beneath the horizon, Aang approached Katara at the dock and praised her for forgiving Yon Rha. Katara had granted Yon Rha his life, but she had not forgiven him.

"But I am ready to forgive you," she pulled Zuko into a close hug. To Aang, their hug was just a hug of acceptance, but she and Zuko knew that it meant much more. It was a bittersweet acknowledgement of their mutual feelings and a silent agreement to let each other go. A brief glimmer of sadness flickered in Zuko's eyes, and then it was gone. Katara's eyes were downcast as she left and blinked away a tear.

"You were right about what Katara needed. Violence wasn't the answer." Zuko's words faded into the distance.

Katara loved Aang, she really did, but not in the same way she loved Zuko. Part of her would always wonder what would have happened had she chosen Zuko. Zuko had ignited something within her that Aang never could. Zuko was the only one who had ever sparked her passion. He brought out the best in her, challenged her, balanced her completely. Fire and water. Yin and Yang. Fire is life, and Zuko was full of life.


	2. Epilogue

The party room they reserved at Kwong's Cuisine bustled with activity as Team Avatar and family gathered for their biannual reunion dinner.

"It's always nice having all of us together. Makes it feel like the old days, doesn't it?" Aang beamed.

"You guys better feel special. I took off work early and left Penga in charge of those lily livers at the academy." Toph leaned back in her chair and picked at her teeth.

"You mean that girl who's obsessed with shoes? She used to have the biggest crush on me, but hey, who can blame her?" Sokka held out a spoon and grinned at his reflection.

"My husband, always so modest." teased Suki, plucking the spoon out of Sokka's hand and planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Well if you two are done being mushy, I'm considering a job change. My original metalbending students have learned enough to run the academy on their own. With the rise of triads in the inner city, I was thinking that the police force around here could use my help. Plus, you gotta admit that Chief Beifong has a nice ring to it." Toph looked proud as the whole table nodded in agreement.

"Mommy, Kya took my boomerang!" Tenzin whined. Katara shot a stern glance at a nervous looking Kya.

"Kya, give the boomerang back to your brother. Why don't you go and sit over there?" Katara gestured to an empty seat by Fire Lord Zuko's preteen daughter.

Katara smiled apologetically at Zuko as she gave Kya a nudge. Tiny smile lines were beginning to form around Katara's eyes, but age had done nothing to dim her bright blue irises. They were the same tide pools that Zuko loved.

They had never been unfaithful to their spouses or done anything romantic together, but as their eyes met, Zuko and Katara knew that after all these years, they were still more than friends, _had_ always been more than friends. They would always be more than friends.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Sigh. In my mind, this is how it actually happened. The creators and writers of Avatar teased us with so many Zutara moments only to throw Kataang together at the end. I know, I know, there were plenty of Kataang moments throughout the series too, but they always seemed so maternal or brother/sister-ly. The Zutara moments just had so much energy...a feeling of electricity. (Sorry bad pun, I know Zuko took lightning for Katara.) I know Kataang is canon, and as a hardcore Zutarian, it's hard for me to admit and accept that they don't end up together. This story was basically my own consolation story. A forbidden love that could never be. (or could have been but the creators changed their mind)

I leave you with Dante Basco's Zutara Week 2013 poem because he couldn't have explained Zutara better.

"Sometimes the feeling of what could have been is stronger than what actually happened

Because the memory of perfection lasts longer.

Even though we didn't end up together

It'll never change the fact

that you changed my life forever."


End file.
